its another one of my sleepless nights. i really havent been able to sleep peacefully for quite a long time. many a times, i wake up in the middle of the night and cant get back to sleep. its draining all my energy from me. surprisingly i am still as energetic in school. everytime i get to the bed at night and the fear reside in me. will it be another sleepless night?

maybe its the stress setting in. the stress that the teachers had ''unknowingly'' given us. the admonitions i hear everyday telling us to work hard for the alvls. everyday i hear the same things over and over again. "its too late to start now." or "you must start revising for ur alvls now." i feel kind of suffocated.

the teachers are really pushing all the J2s hard. everyday u see lots of J2s staying back to mug till late evening. the atmosphere is horrible. books, notes and tys. they have become a daily neccesity of my life. how nice. i didnt even feel 0.1% of wad i am feeling now during olvls. i wasnt at all worried about my olvls. there are also other things that are bothering me besides my studies.

these other things have also become a burden to me. i feel stressed everyday that i must live up to someone's expectations. i live in fear everyday not knowing when things will just go wrong. a rubber band when stretched too much can snap too. i really cant handle so many things at one time. the person who all along had been my pillar of strength is also giving me problems.

i am so tired. maybe its better to let go than hold on.
i have lost the strength and courage to hold on.
i dunno wad else to believe in.